Marching On

Question and Answer

1.   Why are puppies so cute?

So you don't kill them when they eat:

• Your house telephone;
• The blanket you have been knitting for weeks;
• Cat shit;
• The piano stool;
• The Darth Vader water feature that lives in your pond; and
• The fish that live in your pond.  OK, he didn't eat them, but he keeps getting in to sniff them.

2.   Why do rottweilers have such thick necks?

So you can't strangle them when they help your puppy to eat the aforementioned items.

3.   Where do all the Jaffa Cakes go?

In my tummy.  I am a Jaffaholic.

4.   How did Lila break her toe?

Fuck knows.  That dog is a mystery.

5.   Why am I such a lazy blogger?

Because I spend most of my time at home these days trying to stop the wave of destruction named Zach :)

The Hell Hound

We went back to the vets. 

Given that her foot clearly was causing her pain, it was perhaps inevitable that she reacted badly to having it poked again.  Personally, I would have expected growls and an attempted arm removal, but this vet was more optimistic than I.

I like this vet a lot as she is not just knowledgeable about cats and dogs, but is also very open to owner research and holistic medicine.  However, I find holding a conversation whilst looking at her quite hard.  She is crossed eyed.  Perhaps she had trouble focusing on Lila's menacingly bared teeth....

After a swiftly terminated poke, a large muzzle was provided.  Sadly, Lila is adept at removing them and the poking ceased almost as quickly as it commenced.  Lila was simply not having her foot touched and that was that.

We decided that the best way to proceed was to knock her out.  A large hammer was found and we repeatedly hit her on the head until she passed out. 

I may have made that last bit up.

We made an appointment for the following day.  Lila was duly starved and returned to the vets the next morning.  She hopped out of the car with a surprising amount of glee for a dog at the vets again with a sore foot.

Things didn't start promisingly. 

Lila refused to climb on the weighing scales.  Last time she was weighed she was 37 kilos, but that was a little while ago and without an accurate weight, giving her anaesthetic would be problematic.  It was decided to go ahead with a sedative and weight her later.

A puppy had been brought in as an emergency.  She had constipation and was howling mournfully as she underwent repeated enema's. 

Lila was supposed to be getting sleepy, but instead she was getting agitated by the puppy's cries.  We were taken to an empty consulting room where I sat on the floor with her and helped her give in to the effects of the sedative.

The idea of the sedative was to relax her, weigh her, walk her through to the X Ray room and lightly anaesthetise her.

The best plans are those that work.  This plan had a fundamental flaw which was very quickly discovered.  Lila had been given a leeetttllleee too much sedative and was not going to be walking anywhere.

After crapping all over the floor, Lila fell into a deep slumber from which she was reluctant to stir.  One well known problem with this sedative is that dogs can appear to be deeply asleep, but can come round extremely quickly, bite whoever is nearest in their confusion, and then drop off into another snooze.  Sleeping Beauty was therefore muzzled again.

(I wish they had told me about that before her spay and hernia repair.  That would have saved me some nice facial bruising.)

So Lila was carted off the the X Ray machine on a stretcher.  No anaesthetic was given as she was so out of it.  I picked her up no more than two hours after I left her.

She spent the rest of the day trying to stay awake and failing miserably.  She would start to chew her bone (a bone that Zach covets and is not allowed) and fall asleep mid chew.  Zach would pinch it with glee and sneak away for a quiet chew. 

The upshot of all this drama? 

The stupid bloody dog has a broken toe. 

Situation normal

So the Easter break went well.

Naturally, since the vets were shut, Lila felt the need to injure her leg.  We think she twisted it whilst playing with Zach.

She won't put weight on it, she growls menacingly if you touch it and she randomly cries.  Not like my big strapping girl at all.

So off to the emergency vet we went.  They love us too.  We spend a fair bit there as well.

Since they couldn't find anything wrong, they gave her some painkillers roughly the size of horse tablets and she has spent the last three days zonked out.  She is still in pain, so back we go later.

I didn't even need to give my name on the phone.

Daft bugger

The room was completely dark.  I'd just nipped in to put a book away before I went to bed.  I didn't want to trip over any sleeping cats/errant folders/cat vomit  so I put the light on.

I was not expecting the scene that met my eyes.  In fact, I nearly dropped the book in surprise.

Frankie, the daftest bugger in the world, was sat in my office swivel chair, green eyes wide open in amazement.  The chair was swivelling  at high speed, apparently of its own accord.  He was hanging on for dear life, claws dug deep into the leather whilst his tail was wrapped around the arm rest.

I don't know whether he jumped on the chair (from either the ground or the bookcase where he hides when I have to use the hoover - Frankie is also a scaredy cat) and his impact caused it to spin.  On the other paw, he might have worked it out all by himself.  Although that is doubtful....

I couldn't resist.  I carried on spinning the chair with him hanging on.  I gave him the chance to jump off, but he seemed to really enjoy it.  He looked like a little surfer dude.

He couldn't walk in a straight line by the time we finished.

Wheee.......!

Big Dog pushed Little Dog into the pond. I suspect Big Dog was scared by the frog that has taken up residence, and tried to use Little Dog as a diversion whilst she legged it.

He didn't mind. He came running in, soaking wet, tail wagging, and looking very pleased with himself. Nothing fazes that dog. Not even Darth Lila trying to swing him round by his tail.

She has a fascination with tails. I don't blame her, since she is ill equpped in the tail department herself, but the cats do get a little narked when she tries to hold theirs in her mouth.

Zach does take enormous liberties with her, much as she did with her uncle. He clambers all over her, bites her face and her legs (and then runs away very quickly) and steals her toys. Then again, much like Harvey, Lila truly believes that all toys belong to her anyway. She will remove any toy that Zach has in his mouth as a matter of principle. He then gets another, and whilst she takes that, he runs off with the original toy that he really wanted and sits under the table.

Lila is far too huge to fit under the table these days. Lila is a big girl now, and weighs nearly seven stone.

But they love each other. They are inseparable, my Little and Large.