When will it get better?

The day started off so well. I didn't cry when Harvey wasn't there to trip me up. I smiled when I saw the obvious pleasure Charlie gets from being the first to eat. Ellie spent five minutes twisting around my ankles and Willow sat on my lap whilst I got ready. Frankie followed me everywhere I went.

Then the post came. All of the cats micro-chip certificates had arrived. Including Harvey's.

Fat lot of good that will do him.

I remember when I took him to have it done. I was holding him - it is one big fuck off needle they use - and he cried out. I held him whilst the vet finished all the paperwork. We hadn't moved yet, but to save the change of address fee we put down my new address. I joked that I'd better not lose him or he'd get there before we would!

He was micro-chipped. He had his vaccinations. He was wormed and de-flea'd. I treated his weak eye whenever it got inflamed and sore. I took care of his teeth. But none of it was enough.

I love all of my pets but I can feel myself pulling away from them. I cannot go through this with each of them.

Comments

This is going to sound hollow and cheap.

It's ok to let yourself love them. It's terrible when you lose them, but your life has been richer for Harvey having been a part of it.

I think the pulling away is a natural defense mechanism, a way of protecting yourself. Give yourself time to grieve - Harvey's worth every bit of it.
Kimmer | Email | Homepage | 01.28.05 - 4:07 pm | #

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I agree with what Kimmer said. Let yourself pull away for a while (but still try to bond with that puppy!). You'll gravitate back when you're ready.

And believe it or not, you CAN go through this with all of them. Really. It sucks, but you survive.
Cecily | Email | Homepage | 01.28.05 - 4:29 pm | #

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Very wise words from Kimmer. Grief will take some time, Sarah. {{hugs}}
PEZ | Email | Homepage | 01.28.05 - 7:17 pm | #