Marching On: The Full Story

I actually fell over Miss Lila three weeks ago.

My ankle was sore and just got worse and worse, to the point I can no longer tackle stairs, nor can I drive.

I finally relented and went to the doctors last night, where I got the fab news and that I can expect pain for another couple of months. She suggested I buy shares in Nurofen.

This makes work is a problem. I am really busy completing the quarter's work (and helping other teams complete theirs) and I also found out yesterday that one of my team mates has just been signed off with a slipped disc. Strangely he injured his back three weeks ago and has soldiered on for the same reasons, but he is also unable to drive. His doctor signed him off. Mine refused on the grounds that I do not need a note for an absence of under seven days and that is all I would require.

So I now have to take on his work as well as my own, because I am not officially signed off. And I can't walk or drive.

I worked from home today and I will be off tomorrow. I can't take anymore at the moment. Thank fuck I have a sympathetic manager.

For example, and this was completely out of character, but Lila threw up again in the car on the way to puppy classes and I burst into tears. Seriously unlike me. Admittedly it didn't help that she had managed to clamber out of the boot, over the back seat, where she threw up and then into the footwell of the front seat, tracking dog sick on her merry way, but tears were a little extreme.

Not unsurprisingly, my cycle has been shot to buggery again. Ironic, since we decided to actually try this month. I seem to remember from university that conception requires an ovum, and that ovulation tends to help in that process. My ova are clearly so stressed on my behalf that they have buggered off to Barbados on an all expenses paid trip. If only they took me too............

Still, we've managed a decent amount of shagging. That helped take my mind off of my ankle pain, I can tell you!

However, it isn't all doom and gloom here. I gave Lila a grape.

Know this about my dog. She is unhinged. Totally.

So I gave her a grape. She batted it around for a while (her identity crisis has not lessened, despite puppy training classes) in true Ellie style. Then she decided to bark at it for ten minutes solid - since I am high on painkillers I don't give a fuck about the noise. My neighbours probably do, but they can kiss my chocolate brownie fed arse.

I digress. So she barked.

And barked some more.

When she tired of that, she whimpered at it. I left her to it. She was very clearly occupied with The Grape, and did not need my attention.

The noise tapered off. She came trotting into the living room, looking pleased with herself. I assumed that she had finally realised it was food. But no.

I told her to sit. She did. On my bloody leather sofa. She made herself right at home, curling herself up next to the arm.

I went to remove the cheeky little bitchbag, when she opened her mouth, probably to bite me. Out rolled that bloody grape. Intact.

That seemed to surprise her. It did me. So she decided to bark at it a little more.

She is still at it now.